Redemption

As he fired at the Time Lord President with bolts of life energy that coursed through his hands, images of one person played over and over in the Master's mind; the Doctor; or Theta, as he was called back when they had something. Something more than this anyway, whatever 'this' was. Theta smiling, laughing, blushing, breathing heavily after a night well spent, reading, talking, running, stargazing; but most of all, crying. Crying because of him. Because of something that he did, or said, or thought, or because Theta knew he was losing him, at the same time that Koschei knew he was losing himself. It was all his fault. Everything was always his fault, because those drums just had to invade his mind. They thought he was mad. Even Theta, his beautiful light in the dark, thought they were a product of his insanity. But they were all wrong. Now all that pain, all that suffering; it wasn't his fault, because the drums were real. They were real, and they weren't his fault anymore; they were Rassilon's. He was the one who had put the drums in his head, and it was Rassilon who had ruined him; who ruined them. Ruined all they were, all they could have been, all they wanted to be.
"YOU MADE ME..."
The Master could feel the rage ripping through him, the anger and pain from long ago, returning. He saw Theta's eyes, filled with shock and hurt as he recovered from being struck for the first time by the one he cared for most.
"You made me..."
He thought of the Doctor, just a short while ago, holding him, shedding undeserved tears for him as he refused to regenerate. Or when, for the brief moments they were sharing minds, he could faintly hear the Doctor's hearts, even after all these years, beating faster at his proximity.
"You made me hurt him!"
As he descended into the hell of the Time War, the Master could only hope in vain that saving the Doctor this last time would be enough to allow him to forgive himself.